Monday, July 5, 2010

Runaway Patient on the 4th Floor

Oh, Glorious Day!  My mom and I just returned from the most amazing walk.  I was so excited to feel the warm sun and cool breeze.  The moment I stepped into the elevator, my heart started beating faster.  As we walked out onto the 1st floor, I saw the sliding doors that led to my freedom.  Hey, I remember those doors.  Vaguely.  Now here I am, nearly two weeks later, not quite free... but almost.  My mom and I started following the sidewalk path that led to the Eccles Outpatient Center.  We got to the Outpatient Center and I said "Let's keep going."  So, we pushed onward.  The sidewalk wrapped around the Outpatient Center, headed in back of the hospital toward the ER.  We kept going.  And going.  And going.
Until we made it to our destination... the Murray Costco.  (Don't worry, it wasn't even a half mile walk, and I've been doing 2-4 miles a day on the treadmill for over a week now so I knew my body could handle it.)  My mom and I were giggling like little school girls the whole walk over, wondering if the hospital would send out a search and rescue team to find me.  My telemetry started beeping right before we got there, and my first thought was "Uh oh.  The person reading my stats probably thinks I'm dead right now."  As we got closer to the Costco entrance, I started to have second thoughts about our little adventure.  A million eyes were glued to me, as I was pushing my little IV pole with one hand, and holding my chest tube in the other.  My mom showed the employee her Costco card and we walked in.
Again, people still staring.  Children pointing.  I know what it feels like to be a celebrity now... or maybe just a runaway patient who shouldn't be out and about with "normal" people at Costco.  I didn't care.  We had fun.  After we walked around for a minute or two, we realized we really had no reason to go in there.  What should we buy?  We talked about it for a second and then decided to buy something we could share with my cute nurse, Teresa (she's the one who gave me two enemas a few days ago... we are pretty close friends now. ;) )  So mom picked up a large tub of chocolate covered raisins and we headed to the checkout line.  I caught the eye of this Asian guy and he would not look away.  I was tempted to show him my cool scar, but that would mean halfway undressing myself right in the middle of a very public place, so I decided against it.  The cashier said to us "Well, I won't ask how you're doing because it looks like you probably haven't had a great week."  My mom said "Much better than two weeks ago, though!"  We both laughed and smiled, and the cashier laughed uneasily.  There was an awkward pause... then we headed out the door, still eyes popping out of sockets everywhere we turned.
 
We made it back to the hospital in record time, imagining teams of doctors and nurses scouring all five floors of the Heart and Lung Unit trying to find their missing patient.  Our elevator stopped at the fourth floor and opened... no one.  No sirens.  No one running to harass us.  Nothing.  We casually walked back to my room and shut the door.  WHEW!  We got away with it.  Our little secret.  Then we enjoyed our chocolate covered raisins in peace.  ;)  (We are thinking tomorrow, maybe we will head to Best Buy or Barnes and Noble.)

19 comments:

nathan and ann said...

Go Jamie! I love it! I would have loved to be at that Costco and seen you come in. What a great adventure! I am sure it made you feel so much better to get out! I will be anxiously awaiting a report about your next outing! You are AMAZING!

Crystal said...

Oh man! This is hilarious. Glad you got a much needed escape. You are so amazing with your positive attitude.

Ashleigh said...

Oh my gosh, that was hilarious! I'm glad you were able to get out. I would start going crazy if I had to stay inside, too. I say get out and do what you want as along as you're not hurting yourself, which you're obviously not. Oh, I wish I was there to see the looks on everyone's faces!

Becky said...

I love it!!! You are awesome.

Gramma Cyddie said...

I can't even begin to tell you how much you are my hero!

The Cherry Family said...

SOOOOO happy for you! That is the thing that always bugs me about having a baby, not going outside, and that is only 2 days. You need to get a job as a hospital plannig advisor and tell them to put in sun decks! Wouldn't going out on a deck be healing? I think it would be for me!
Thanks for making me giggle! I wish I was there to see you!

Abby

Chelsea said...

LOL! You're awesome! Hang in there, we're all praying for you.

Debi said...

Jamie
Your Uncle Tom and I were rolling on the floor laughing at you in Costco. If you do that again, be careful and don't get run over in the parking lot. You wouldn't be able to explain that to the hospital. You are looking good! We love you.
Aunt Deb

Anonymous said...

I LOVE this story. What an inspiration!

Nancy K said...

Oh my Jamie...can I say again how much I love you!?!?!

Iliana said...

Holy crap I'm laughing so hard I'm crying. There are so many reasons I think you're cool, but this takes the cake for sure! And I think the raisins were a good choice what with all your bowel problems. Maybe chocolate covered prunes would be even better. Eat up sista.

Loren said...

Next time pick up the dark chocolate covered blueberry/ acacia berry treats, they are in the candy section, but I think they should be in the health food section.
;)
Kps

Bill, Katie, Cole, and Drew said...

That is too classic! I love it!

Jason and Melanie Fida said...

You make me smile! I am not sure I am so excited to come and see you today:) Reading this was a great way to start off my day!

Nurse Heidi said...

Oh you just kill me!!! This is the most hilarious story I've heard in a long time! You renegade :). You really should have gone for the Macadamia caramel clusters - those are quite fabulous, if I do say so myself.

Sonja said...

Way to go mom, you are the best!
Love you and miss you,
Ben, Emma, and Josh

Jenni said...

That is awesome!!!

Naomi said...

You are such a rebel! Love it! Glad you had a great time! I wish I could have seen the looks on everyone's faces!

Leslie said...

LOL! LOVE IT!! I was seriously thinking as I started reading you were walking outside "wouldn't it be funny if she went to Costco?" and you did! I love your attitude Jamie!