This was me. Exactly 6 months ago I was in the hospital, having a tumor removed from my lung. Crazy to think about. Emma in the van today randomly asked "Mom, remember when you were in the hospital? Yeah, Grandma Call put sparkly nail polish on me and we played with toys when we were in your room." I'm glad those are the things she remembers, and not that mom was heavily drugged and in a lot of pain. Don't you wish we could all be kid-like, where our only worries are what we are going to wear that day, or whether to have peanut butter and jelly or mac & cheese for lunch? Life seems so simple in the eyes of a child.
I've been thinking a lot about the past year, and to be honest, I'm ready to kiss 2010 goodbye. Crazy to think about all we've experienced in one short year. We started off 2010 with no health insurance. That was scary (especially with my undiscovered tumor!) So thankful we didn't find out about the cancer until after we were approved for an individual health plan. In April I developed a stress fracture and so couldn't continue training for a marathon (my big goal for 2010.) I struggled with a cough and breathing problems for months, and then in June found out about the tumor. Spent the summer recovering from surgery and slowly started exercising again. I missed my favorite race in August, which was very hard on me mentally. Running is still hard for me, even 6 months after surgery. It seems my lungs have adapted ok to my exercise classes, but when I try running, my lungs have a hard time. Doesn't seem fair that the thing I love so much, which used to come pretty easily, is now so difficult. (I know what you're all thinking... at least I'm alive. Don't get me wrong, I'm very grateful for my outcome. Just wish sometimes that my lung tissue would magically grow back, that's all. I know, just be grateful for the non-cancerous tissue I have.) Besides all this, the Foreign Service is not happening, and we are actively looking for another job with no luck yet. Money is tight. I'm working two jobs. Our lives seem chaotic. And so I am hopeful for 2011. I am hopeful that life will get better. I am hopeful that the CT scans will come back clear. I am hopeful I will get to run a race, even if I don't PR. I am hopeful that Jake will find another job. I am hopeful that when I turn 30 in June my saggy skin and bags under my eyes will disappear... a girl can dream, right?! ;) And so, I say good-bye to you, 2010. Wish I could say I would miss you, but I don't think I will. Bring on 2011.
I'm a strong-willed woman, wife, mom of three, LDS, U of U grad, runner, gymnastics fanatic, card maker, piano player, slightly OCD, singer, chocolate lover, office manager, cancer survivor, and friend. I started this blog to keep in touch with family and friends, and it slowly turned into my own personal therapeutic outlet. Nothing better than typing out your thoughts, trying to make sense of life.