Thursday, December 23, 2010

6 Months Ago...

This was me.  Exactly 6 months ago I was in the hospital, having a tumor removed from my lung.  Crazy to think about.  Emma in the van today randomly asked "Mom, remember when you were in the hospital?  Yeah, Grandma Call put sparkly nail polish on me and we played with toys when we were in your room."  I'm glad those are the things she remembers, and not that mom was heavily drugged and in a lot of pain.  Don't you wish we could all be kid-like, where our only worries are what we are going to wear that day, or whether to have peanut butter and jelly or mac & cheese for lunch?  Life seems so simple in the eyes of a child.

I've been thinking a lot about the past year, and to be honest, I'm ready to kiss 2010 goodbye.  Crazy to think about all we've experienced in one short year.  We started off 2010 with no health insurance.  That was scary (especially with my undiscovered tumor!)  So thankful we didn't find out about the cancer until after we were approved for an individual health plan.  In April I developed a stress fracture and so couldn't continue training for a marathon (my big goal for 2010.)  I struggled with a cough and breathing problems for months, and then in June found out about the tumor.  Spent the summer recovering from surgery and slowly started exercising again.  I missed my favorite race in August, which was very hard on me mentally.  Running is still hard for me, even 6 months after surgery.  It seems my lungs have adapted ok to my exercise classes, but when I try running, my lungs have a hard time.  Doesn't seem fair that the thing I love so much, which used to come pretty easily, is now so difficult.  (I know what you're all thinking... at least I'm alive.  Don't get me wrong, I'm very grateful for my outcome.  Just wish sometimes that my lung tissue would magically grow back, that's all.  I know, just be grateful for the non-cancerous tissue I have.)  Besides all this, the Foreign Service is not happening, and we are actively looking for another job with no luck yet.  Money is tight.  I'm working two jobs.  Our lives seem chaotic.  And so I am hopeful for 2011.  I am hopeful that life will get better.  I am hopeful that the CT scans will come back clear.  I am hopeful I will get to run a race, even if I don't PR.  I am hopeful that Jake will find another job.  I am hopeful that when I turn 30 in June my saggy skin and bags under my eyes will disappear... a girl can dream, right?! ;)  And so, I say good-bye to you, 2010.  Wish I could say I would miss you, but I don't think I will.  Bring on 2011.

7 comments:

I'll Take Mine... said...

2011 will be your year!! Merry Christmas. I hope you are blessed with PRs, new jobs, tight, glowing skin, happy kids, healthy lungs and everything else that you should have. And I can't wait to read all about it!
(Hugs)

Nurse Heidi said...

We had a year like that. Really, two years. My sister died in June, and Elizabeth died the following January. It really sucked. I'm pleased to report that it got better - these sorts of things have a tendency to fade away and life moves on to happier things. I have no doubt in my mind that things will work out some how for you.

I think you should sign up for the Halloween Half. That gives you a long time to prepare, and it's even more down hill than Hobblecreek, so it would be easier on your lungs. Registration opens Christmas Day.

Jen said...

I know exactly what you mean. You DO feel lucky to be alive, but it isn't fair the extra stuff you have had to suffer through. I am still recovering from the removal of something that never even made me feel sick and I am annoyed by the 5 years of follow-ups. I'm happy to be alive, but I think it's okay to be annoyed by that which we didn't expect or deserve (if that makes any sense at all...).

Here's hoping 2011 is much better and hope your running gets easier! Regardless of gratitude, you deserve to be able to do something you love!

The Thornocks said...

Yeah, it has been a pretty crappy year for you guys, but I'm pretty sure it can only go up from here.

If you're wanting to run a race, you could come visit me in May for my birthday and run the Sage Rat run with me. It's a half marathon and I've heard it's awesome. It's pretty flat the entire way. I plan on running it and it would be fun to have a partner ;-)

Crystal said...

This was a rough year for your family. I think you deserve a much better one or several better ones to come. I think about you a lot and how amazing you are. I really look up to you. So glad you are strong and healthy.

Bill, Katie, Cole, and Drew said...

What a year! Bring on 2011. I am hoping for all of your hopes to come true. You guys deserve every single one!

Rachel Call said...

You know what Jamie? As I've read your thoughts this last year, I have gone to love you more, feel a kindred sister and have been awed at how much love you offer INSPITE of the tests you've been given. So human to want those things to end, so expansive to see the gifts anyway. You are an incredible woman. Keep on going. Much love!