145

My weight loss journey began 4 months 23 days ago. I weighed 170 and wore XL tops and size 14 jeans. I thought today I would dedicate a post to my weight loss journey, not just these past couple months, but over the past couple years. I have lost 25 lbs. now which puts me at 145. I wear medium tops and size 8 pants. I want to lose 15 more, but I'm excited about where I am and know I will get there eventually. It's no secret, though, that I have struggled in this department off and on for years. It's not easy watching your body morph into a whale-like creature over and over. With each pregnancy I gained quite a bit of weight and stretch marks. After each baby was born I seemed to lose the first 20 lbs. easily but then had to work very hard to get the rest of the weight off. Also, with nursing I seemed to hold onto the weight or even gain more, rather than lose it (which was really frustrating.) I gained 70 lbs, lost 70, gained 40, lost 40, gained 18, gained 50, lost 38, and then lost another 25 (where I'm at now) all in 6 1/2 years. Too many times I found myself crying to Jake, telling him how ugly I felt. I knew deep down this was my problem. No one could fix it for me. No one could run for me or lift weights for me. I felt it was unfair, though, watching others pop out babies and wear their size 2s home from the hospital. That just wasn't my luck. I have to work hard to lose weight. That's just a fact. That's why moments like these are so much sweeter to me, because it's something that takes a lot of blood, sweat, and tears. As I've been looking through old pictures this morning, I've found some that didn't get posted on my blog because I was embarrassed about how 'big' I looked. I like looking at where I've been though because it proves how far I've come and motivates me to keep going further. You know, I'm happy when I wake up in the morning and look in the mirror. Of course there are things I would love to change (stretch marks gone and a little lift here and there) but overall, I like what I see... and that's something I haven't been able to say in a VERY long time (and I'm getting teary-eyed now, so I better stop.)

Here is a pic of Emma and I 2 weeks before Josh was born (weighing about 208!). I was so huge and miserable, but tried not to show it. ;) Anyone jealous of the stretch marks?! My Grammy told me they are war wounds and I agree with her.

I made this sling for Josh and was proud of myself, especially since it was probably the 10th time I used my sewing machine (around 175).

Here I am with Jake and our dear friends, the Crane's, Tate's, and Stacy Johnson (Brad was sick that night.) It was taken in January this year. I love the pic because our friends are in it, but cringe when I see myself because of my belly roll sticking out.

I was told once that I was the "fat sister." It really scarred me, especially after I saw this picture. I don't feel that way now. We are all beautiful and one person's opinion shouldn't matter to me.

My mom took this pic of Ben and I coming down a waterslide in Malaysia. I was really embarrassed after seeing my gut hang out, I didn't want to show it to anyone.

And here is my closet. Sunday I had to try on multiple outfits for church because nothing was fitting. I finally decided I needed to go through my clothes and take out anything that is too big and doesn't fit anymore so I know exactly what I have to work with. Well, here is what is left. (The plastic storage container has all my over-sized clothes.) I have 4 pairs of jeans (2 are a tad big and will be going in the bin soon.) 2 pairs of khakis (one pair is big). As for church clothes, I have 3 long skirts and 3 short skirts. Out of those, half are getting too big. Can you guess what I need for Christmas?! As great as this is, not so much for the checkbook. Hopefully I can get some good deals around Christmas!