Friday, September 17, 2010

Biting my nails

I had my first follow-up CT scan this morning.  It was a strange, and yet familiar feeling as I put on my hospital gown.  It's been over two months since the last time I had to put one on.  It's slightly humorous, and maybe a little sad when you know the drill too well.  You know exactly where the hospital gown ties in the back.  You know without being told where the locker is to put your clothes and purse in.  You tell the nurse which arm to poke because you get a better vein there.  The nurses don't give you much instructions because they know you already know what to expect.  This is going to be my life for awhile, probably a long while.  But you know, as I laid down on my back, the contrast dye injected and my body moved through the scanner, my main thought was "I can't let this fear control me.  If it does, the cancer wins.  Instead of filling my head with worry, I need to just live."  

So, as I bite my nails, waiting for the results, I just have to remind myself that so far up to this point I have been watched over and protected.  God hasn't forgotten me.  He knows the desires of my heart.  He knows my strength.  And so, I take great comfort in that.

Radiology... see you in another 6 months.  I'll be ready!


Mom/Grandma said...

Many prayers in your behalf and we are waiting for results. Also waiting for pictures ???

Becky said...

I hope the results come back nice and clean! We love ya!

Rachel Call said...

Jamie, I could just give you the biggest hug! I am inspired by you, I admire you and am so proud of the woman you've become. You're a joy to the people in your life. You are in my prayers!