This past week has been a very hard one for me. First my grandmother passed away on Monday. It was expected but still sad to know I won't see her again in this life. Her funeral was beautiful and went very well. It was a good teaching moment for Ben and Emma. We taught them about how our spirits make us who we are and when we die our spirits are no longer with our bodies, but with Jesus and Heavenly Father. They both asked a lot of questions and I didn't know how they would do, seeing Great-Grandma McDonald's body in her casket, but both of them did fine. Ben was very interested in the whole situation and I feel he sort of understood the impact of all of this. Emma, on the other hand, asked my Grammy Call (the other Great-Grandma) when she was going to "get old and die and then we would put her in a hole." Nice. I can't say my kids have a lot of tact, but what kids do?! (Sorry, Grammy! You better not be going anywhere for a very long time!)
Well, besides the funeral, more trials keep coming. I'm not going to lie, my faith has been shaky and I have felt very low this past week. I kept praying for strength and peace and just wasn't getting it. There was a fast today, though, and as I broke my fast I felt strengthened. Then tonight I noticed our monthly ward newsletter that came today. To be honest, I don't always read the whole thing through but the first line in the Bishopric Message caught my attention and I read the entire article. It was titled "Recognizing the Lord's Blessings When It Doesn't Seem Like We Are Being Blessed." It hit me like a ton of bricks. I have been focusing so much on my problems and thinking that I've been "forgotten" when deep down I know that's not the case. Sometimes it feels that way when trials come, but the trials come to make us better and stronger. I just have to keep reminding myself of that. I also know I am infinitely blessed. As I put my little Joshie to bed tonight and sang him "I Love to See the Temple" I couldn't help but think of my beautiful, healthy children who are 3 of my biggest blessings. I know I have a lot to be grateful for. It's just so hard to see sometimes when road bumps come along.
I don't want to go into detail about what's going on but felt I needed to at least write about the things I have felt today that have given me a little bit of peace that I've been praying for all week. I'm sure everyone can relate. Trials stink. Thank goodness they don't last forever!
A Clumsy Pondering on Asherah, Wisdom, Mom
4 years ago
9 comments:
Jamie,
I't's late right now as I read this post, but I'll be calling you tomorrow! Love Ya!
You know, I remember once you saying that your favorite hymn is "I need thee every hour." Sometimes when I am really down and I try to pray but don't really know how to use my words to communicate with Heavenly Father, your voice singing that song comes to mind. Most of the time, all I can get out of my mouth is "I need thee every hour." It's amazing the influence you have had on my life. I often think of something you said or did and that influence helps me to find direction. I really miss hearing your voice and the spirit that the hymns bring when you sing them.
I want to echo what Mandy said. I never felt like I got to know you well in the University ward, but you were always someone I looked up to as a women, friend, wife and mom. I don't know what you've been dealing with lately but I will say that something that has really helped strengthen my faith has been to read the General Conference talks through in chronological order. I've read talks that I hadn't really heard the first time that have had a profound influence on my faith and been direct answers to many prayers.
You are probably already doing that but please know that even when it feels dark, the light will come.
Trials do stink. Thank goodness we have so much to help offset the stinkiness. I'm sorry Jamie. I have to constantly remind myself that Heavenly Father wants us to have Joy and feel peace. I think he wants that for us always, and will provide a way for us to feel it even through the times and things that seem much too overwhelming. I'm preaching to myself, but hope that you are doing okay and that the light at the end of the tunnel comes sooner than later. It sounds like you get to go see family soon though, so hopefully that will help you out. Lets get together soon for real! Even if its just us girls!
Jamie!
I have been thinking a lot about you guys since we talked. I am happy to read your post and the peace you are starting to feel. I really hope that continues. Dave gave our FHE lesson last night on Gratitude, and being grateful for the blseeings we have..... it was for the kids, but I really felt strongly that it was for me too. I kept thinking about all the wonderful blessings we have. It is sometimes hard to see those when the storms hit.
I am sorry that we weren't able to talk more at the funeral. It was so good to see you and your adorable family. I love that Jack and Josh, b-day buddies, had so much fun together!! Too bad we don't live closer !:)
Take care and know you're in our thoughts and prayers!
Love ya!
I am sorry to hear about your grandmother but remember this too shall pass. Hang in there. We all love YOU!
Aren't we lucky and unlucky to be women. We are so sensitive to feelings and emotions. We feel such sadness and downess, but we also can feel SO much joy. You are an amazing person and I have always looked up to your inner strength. It is difficult to see the amazing part we play in our families lives, but you are the core and you are doing the right thing, praying, fasting, and reading. What else can you do but give the rest to your Savior to help. Love ya! You are always in my thoughts and prayers!
Sorry to hear you're going through a rough time! I hate that when it rains it truly pours....you're in my prayers! You're kids are so lucky to have such an awesome example mom.
Car
I can honestly tell you that I have felt the same way for much of the last year. The thing that I am starting to realize now is Don't let the things that you don't understand, get in the way of the things that you DO understand. Hang in there, I can say that I'm starting to see the light. Not much has changed in my circumstances, but my ability to do has increased. Don't give up.
Thinking of you Jamie and hope all is ok. Trials are ruff, but they have definitely blessed our family.
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