Runaway Patient on the 4th Floor

Oh, Glorious Day!  My mom and I just returned from the most amazing walk.  I was so excited to feel the warm sun and cool breeze.  The moment I stepped into the elevator, my heart started beating faster.  As we walked out onto the 1st floor, I saw the sliding doors that led to my freedom.  Hey, I remember those doors.  Vaguely.  Now here I am, nearly two weeks later, not quite free... but almost.  My mom and I started following the sidewalk path that led to the Eccles Outpatient Center.  We got to the Outpatient Center and I said "Let's keep going."  So, we pushed onward.  The sidewalk wrapped around the Outpatient Center, headed in back of the hospital toward the ER.  We kept going.  And going.  And going.

Until we made it to our destination... the Murray Costco.  (Don't worry, it wasn't even a half mile walk, and I've been doing 2-4 miles a day on the treadmill for over a week now so I knew my body could handle it.)  My mom and I were giggling like little school girls the whole walk over, wondering if the hospital would send out a search and rescue team to find me.  My telemetry started beeping right before we got there, and my first thought was "Uh oh.  The person reading my stats probably thinks I'm dead right now."  As we got closer to the Costco entrance, I started to have second thoughts about our little adventure.  A million eyes were glued to me, as I was pushing my little IV pole with one hand, and holding my chest tube in the other.  My mom showed the employee her Costco card and we walked in.

Again, people still staring.  Children pointing.  I know what it feels like to be a celebrity now... or maybe just a runaway patient who shouldn't be out and about with "normal" people at Costco.  I didn't care.  We had fun.  After we walked around for a minute or two, we realized we really had no reason to go in there.  What should we buy?  We talked about it for a second and then decided to buy something we could share with my cute nurse, Teresa (she's the one who gave me two enemas a few days ago... we are pretty close friends now. ;) )  So mom picked up a large tub of chocolate covered raisins and we headed to the checkout line.  I caught the eye of this Asian guy and he would not look away.  I was tempted to show him my cool scar, but that would mean halfway undressing myself right in the middle of a very public place, so I decided against it.  The cashier said to us "Well, I won't ask how you're doing because it looks like you probably haven't had a great week."  My mom said "Much better than two weeks ago, though!"  We both laughed and smiled, and the cashier laughed uneasily.  There was an awkward pause... then we headed out the door, still eyes popping out of sockets everywhere we turned.

 
We made it back to the hospital in record time, imagining teams of doctors and nurses scouring all five floors of the Heart and Lung Unit trying to find their missing patient.  Our elevator stopped at the fourth floor and opened... no one.  No sirens.  No one running to harass us.  Nothing.  We casually walked back to my room and shut the door.  WHEW!  We got away with it.  Our little secret.  Then we enjoyed our chocolate covered raisins in peace.  ;)  (We are thinking tomorrow, maybe we will head to Best Buy or Barnes and Noble.)